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Dealing with pain and emotions
30th August 2015
When you go back home, you should compare your ordinary life
with life in this monastery. Monastic life is not easy sometimes, but
most of the time there is a certain satisfaction in it. Where do you
find satisfaction in your ordinary lives, thinking about this, that
and the next thing until your mind spins around? And when you
look at the faces of the people around you, do they look happy?
Some have master’s degrees and some doctorates, but are they
happier? If you think you can find more happiness within your
heart than outside, then you are welcome to come back to the
monastery. In fact, training the heart is the only useful thing we
can do with our lives; what else can we usefully do? This is not
just our first life, of course. The interesting question is why are we
addicted to playing video games one after another? One game
should be enough, and it’s the same with lives; why are we reborn
into one life after another? We meet the same situations again
and again; going to school, falling in love, getting married, earn-
ing money, having children and then dying. When are we going
to get bored of it all? It’s important to compare the things we think
make us happy in the world with the calm state we find in medita-
tion practice. Which brings more joy? If you think the world brings
more happiness, then live in the world. If you think that the calm
still heart brings more happiness, then come back.
Actually, there is a lot of hardship to put up with in the world.
Some of the most difficult things to deal with are emotions.
Human beings have a lot of them – painful feelings, negative
feelings, moods, and so on – but we don’t seem to know how to
deal with them. In meditation practice, we can learn how to deal
with them. It doesn’t matter which label we put on them – fear,
anger, pain, greed or anything else. We have three tools to help
us deal with these emotions, the three characteristics of all pheno-
mena as outlined by the Lord Buddha, namely, anicca, anattã and
dukkha. Anicca is impermanence – everything that arises ceases.
- Скрытый текст
- Anattã is not-self – everything that arises and ceases cannot be
ourselves because there is someone who knows that everything
that arises and ceases. It’s because we attach to things in either a
positive or a negative way that we think they are self (attã), so we
need to train ourselves to see that everything arising in front our
eyes is not me and not mine. Dukkha is dissatisfaction, and we
experience it because we attach to phenomena that are not me
and not mine. When we have dukkha, we can be sure that we are
attached to something.
The first step in dealing with emotions is to learn to sit through
pain and to investigate it. If we can learn to do this properly, we
can investigate in a similar way all the emotions that trouble us,
for the technique works for any kind of emotion, whether mental
feelings or physical feelings. It is essential that we learn this tech-
nique, even though we find it unpleasant. Usually, the moment we
experience something unpleasant, we want to get rid of it. With
pain, we look for a way of getting rid of it instead of a way of
understanding it. So to investigate pain we have to sit long enough
so that pain arises. Then we have to learn how to accept pain;
we have to think, “Oh, there is pain. Thank you for coming.” We
have to breathe in the pain just as we would breathe in the smell
of delicious food, experiencing it completely, one hundred per-
cent. After we’ve done this, we go to the spot where it has arisen
and ask ourselves what pain is – we have to understand what the
painful feeling really is. Where is it? Is it a point or an area, is it
deep or shallow? Is it moving? If we assume that it is fixed, this
contradicts the Lord Buddha’s teaching on anicca, that everything
is changing, and it means we have not accepted the pain whole-
heartedly. So, we have to go back and accept the pain and start
the investigation again. If we do this exercise properly, we will see
that the pain is constantly changing. Just as our breath changes all
the time, so pain is always changing; sometimes it is more painful
and sometimes less. We will find that we can observe it because it’s
interesting, and, because our interest helps us to concentrate, we
will become more concentrated and able to stay with the changing
pain. Next, we ask ourselves where the pain actually is. Is it in the
skin, the tendons, the flesh, the bones or the muscles? Although
we’ve had all of these body parts since we were born, the pain has
developed only while we have been sitting in meditation, so we
can infer that something else is going on. At the beginning of our
investigation, we really believe that the pain is in our skin, muscles
or joints, but if we examine the pain that comes from sitting prac-
tice, we discover that we really cannot find it. After all, if it were
really in the parts of the body, it would still be there when we get
up, but it vanishes as soon as we stand up. Why does it appear
only when we sit and try to meditate, and disappear as soon as
we get up?
The next task is to try to find the spot that is the origin of the
pain. If we really get concentrated on the pain, on that spot, we
find that something “shifts”. This shows that our investigation is
becoming keen and that we are getting close to finding the spot,
for the pain will shift from one place to another, such as from one
knee to the other. We then turn our attention to the place to which
the pain has shifted and do the same kind of investigation until we
are very close to the spot where we think the pain arises. Again,
we find that the pain jumps to another place. Sometimes the pain
will go to the back, but wherever it goes, we follow it until it shows
us its true origin. People who have read a lot about Buddhism
assume that the origin is the heart (citta), so they go to the heart.
But that is not the exercise here. The exercise is to follow the pain
from wherever it initially shows itself to the place to which it shifts
or jumps. We do this until it leads us to the heart, to the origin of
the pain. We can only understand pain if we follow it until it shows
us where it comes from, and that is the heart. At the final step, the
pain jumps to the heart and creates a pain that is unimaginable.
Now, we stay there and try to see the nature of pain and under-
stand it; the heart is the last place where we can investigate pain.
In the last stage of the investigation, the pain becomes so strong
that we believe we are going to die. Then we go through the first
stage of death, after which the pain completely disappears. It dis-
appears instantly the moment we accept that we are going to die,
even though it was very strong.
After a while, the pain returns, and it feels as if we are burning
alive. We do the same as we did before, accepting death and going
through it, and the pain disappears instantly. When the pain has
gone, we continue with our sitting practice for another two or three
hours (this kind of pain normally comes after two or three hours).
Then the last stage arrives, and we feel like every element in the
body is being torn apart, for these stages go from difficult to very
difficult to extremely difficult. Once we have accepted this extreme
pain, the end of the investigation has come. We’ve reached the
end of dukkha vedanã (painful feeling) and the limit of physical
pain, and it’s the end of the fear of death because we have gone
through all three stages of pain and death. Fear of death is no more,
because we understand what pain is. Even if our physical death is
very painful, we will be able to stay very calm because the fear of
pain has been eliminated. If we go through these stages, we can
deal with any kind of death. This is important because most of the
time when death arises we are worried about the pain and are not
focussed on our meditation object. We get lost in thoughts about
pain and where it comes from, and we go along the wrong track.
But if we can stay with any kind of pain, we will not become lost
and will see the way ahead. However, this point can be reached
only after going through the three stages of the investigation of
dukkha vedanã, and most people will not be able to get this far
in their practice. After all, who is willing to die? And you feel like
you are going to die at each of the three stages. Normally, at the
beginning of pain investigation, people accept the pain and begin
to investigate its origin. But as they get closer to the pain, it stops,
and they can continue meditating using the parikamma word
buddho or the breath coming in and out. The pain will only shift
after a certain amount of time or experience. This practice goes
on in stages, and we cannot reach the last stage without going
through the others, so at the beginning of our practice the pain
will just stop, after which we simply continue being aware of the
primary meditation object.
It’s very important that we start investigating pain, particularly
because we don’t like it. If we get concentrated on pain, it can
become very, very interesting, even if it disappears after a while.
It can be much more interesting than any of the other meditation
objects that we use, for the breath or the word buddho become
boring after a while. Pain doesn’t become boring so it is the per-
fect meditation object. If we meditate all day long and pain comes
up, it’s really useful because we can concentrate on it; the mind
doesn’t wander off, so it’s the perfect object for investigation and
concentration. At these times, we investigate the pain, we find that
it disappears, and then we go back to the breath or buddho. So
you really should be happy if pain comes up after meditating all
day, because then you can concentrate on it easily. In fact, the
investigation of pain can lead to appanã samãdhi, the deep state
of samãdhi. If we really investigate and really focus in, we can
easily become one-pointed. Don’t despair that pain is coming up
but rather be happy, thank it for appearing and accept it. In fact,
pain is a whetstone that sharpens wisdom, and it can hone con-
centration as well.
This method of investigation can be applied to any kind of
emotion, such as anger or greed or fear. We can use it to find the
point from which they all originate. Take anger: the first step is to
learn to accept it, but this can be very difficult as the feeling is very
unpleasant. However, if you have used pain as the subject of your
initial investigations, you will have acquired some skill. If you can
stay with pain for a long time, you will have learned how to do the
same with anger. Stay with the feeling of anger and experience
what it is like. You can explore the differences between the feeling
of anger and the feelings of pain, greed or fear; what is the diffe-
rence between them? Later, you can go on to explore the feeling
of positive emotions like happiness. We have so many names
for all these different feelings, but how do the experiences of all
these different feelings differ? This is what we need to investigate,
because we must learn how to deal with all these different emo-
tions that arise. We can investigate tiredness, laziness, restlessness
and boredom in the same way, using the same technique, and
some of these, such as restlessness, can be even more difficult to
accept than the feeling of pain. We need to understand where they
come from – the most important thing is for us to see their origin.
For instance, we need to ask what came before a particular feeling
spread throughout the whole body. We cannot see the origin as
long as we fight against these feelings. Only when we accept them
wholeheartedly, breathe them in like the smell of delicious food,
feel them with our whole body and become concentrated on them,
will we see the origin of these feelings. This is the basic method of
dealing with emotions and finding their point of origin.
The important quality is to be able to stay with an unpleasant
feeling. Sometimes, when we are at one with these emotions, when
we concentrate on them, we can see their origin, but at other times
this is not possible and we have to backtrack. For example, when
we stay with an emotion, we can sometimes observe the feeling,
memory or thought that preceded it, but that is not its point of ori-
gin. So, we have to retrace our steps until we find the origin. This
applies to the investigations of all feelings, including pain. Essen-
tially, we have to find the little stone that started the avalanche. As
it rolls on, it gathers up more and more snow, but we have to iden-
tify the first stone. It depends on our concentration; in some cases
we find the origin very quickly while in others we have to retrace
our steps until we find the stone that started the avalanche rolling.
Once we find it, we get relief. Sometimes, we may even be able
to laugh at our own stupidity for holding onto the stone for such a
long time. It was able to make us fall into depression or get really
angry, yet in reality it was so negligible that it wasn’t even worth
our attention. Indeed, it may not have had anything to do with our
anger or depression, just as the stone that starts the avalanche has
nothing to do with the snow making up the avalanche.
There’s one crucial thing to note. In the investigation of pain
and all of these emotions, thoughts will always try to creep in and
convince us about the origin of these feelings. We cannot accept
these thoughts. We can only get to the truth of the matter if we go
to the knowingness of the heart, and the knowingness of the heart
is not born of thoughts. Whatever is born of thoughts is the product
of the kilesas – it’s very important that you understand this. In this
context, any kind of thought that explains the situation is wrong.
We have to counteract these thoughts; we have to find the origin of
pain or any emotion through our knowingness, through the heart.
We know the origin of these emotions within our hearts, not our
thoughts. Thoughts are always trying to divert our attention, as
they do when we are practicing samãdhi to develop calm, and
the moment we believe them, the investigation is over. So, we
have to focus our attention onto the pain or the emotion itself; we
cannot let the mind go off into thoughts! Every kind of excuse or
explanation that arises is a result of the kilesas! At the beginning of
the investigation, “answers” from the kilesas shoot out like arrows,
but later the arrows come less and less often until, near the end of
the investigation, they come rarely, perhaps once every minute or
so. When there are no more answers coming from the kilesas, the
heart is completely empty and then, in most cases, the real answer
pops out of the heart. But not always, for in other cases the result
is just deep concentration and no answer comes. If this happens,
it means we did not get deep enough with our investigation and
will have to do it over and over again, until we find the real answer
within the heart.
I encourage the people staying in this monastery to put effort
into their practice, not looking right or left but staying with their
meditation object from the moment they wake up until the moment
they go to sleep again. Whatever the object is – the breath or the
word buddho or the investigation of the body – you really have
to put in some effort. Your practice will not develop if you think
about various things or look at what other people are doing. These
things just agitate you without you being aware of it, and they
divert you from the practice. When walking, just look one metre
ahead of you, and stay with your meditation object. It doesn’t mat-
ter whether you put effort into attaining deep samãdhi or into the
investigation of the body to see that the body and citta are not
one and the same. Just choose your method, but whatever you
choose, try to get some results. If you don’t, I’m just wasting my
breath teaching you. Some people practice until they feel com-
fortable, and then slacken their effort until the dukkha increases,
whereupon they start practicing again. What kind of practice is
that? You must practice steadily and counteract any kind of emo-
tion that comes up. The kilesas will bring up all kinds of excuses for
not practicing, but remember that you are here to get some results
in your practice of concentration and investigation.
In particular, you need to develop sati, awareness of what is
going on. You don’t have to look at things to be aware of them;
your awareness, if it is keen, can span the whole world. You don’t
have to fly to the moon to look down and know what is happening;
awareness can be so deep that it knows everything that is going
on. So, don’t look at what other people are doing. We are brought
up to look at other people, finding fault with others but never our-
selves. The practice here, however, if you find yourself looking
at someone else and disliking what you see, is to point the finger
back at yourself: “Oh, that’s what I’m like.” We should practice in
a way that we see the outside world as a mirror of ourselves. If we
see something that we dislike in others, the problem lies in our
own heart, for where else can it arise? Nothing can arise in objects
outside of ourselves, and that’s why we don’t need to look at things
outside. But if we do look outside, we should take whatever we see
as a mirror of what is inside our own heart.
http://forestdhammatalks.org/en/books/Forest Leaves - Ajahn Martin Piyadhammo.pdf
Отвечаю лишь на вопросы нуждающиеся в ответе. С меттой _/\_